Finding love and building a family in a society that often prioritizes individual desires over collective well-being can feel like navigating a maze with moving walls. The challenges stem from cultural shifts, social dynamics, and psychological barriers that emphasize self-interest, often at the expense of deep, committed relationships.
Modern societies, particularly in urban and Western contexts, have increasingly leaned into individualism.
Career ambitions, financial independence, and self-actualization are often celebrated as top priorities. Relationships can take a backseat, seen as secondary or even a distraction.
Dating apps and social media foster a “swipe culture,” where people treat potential partners like products, seeking the “best option” rather than investing in imperfect but meaningful connections. In 2024, studies showed 60% of Tinder users globally were more focused on short-term flings than long-term commitment.
Economic pressures and cultural norms push back marriage and family-building. In the U.S., the average age of first marriage is now 30 for men and 28 for women, up from 23 and 20 in the 1960s. This delay can narrow the window for forming families, especially for those prioritizing career or personal exploration.
A selfishly oriented society creates specific roadblocks.
Commitment requires openness, but a culture that rewards self-reliance can make people wary of emotional exposure. Admitting you need someone else feels risky when independence is glorified.
Many approach relationships with a checklist of idealized traits (looks, status, lifestyle) but are less willing to compromise or work through conflicts. This “all or nothing” mentality can stall relationships before they deepen.
Strong families often rely on support from extended networks. But in fragmented societies, where people move frequently or prioritize virtual over real-world connections, there’s less communal glue to help couples weather challenges. For example, in 2023, 25% of Americans reported having no close friends, up from 10% in 1990.
Selfish tendencies, whether culturally reinforced or personal, create internal struggles.
Some view relationships as a loss of freedom rather than a partnership. This mindset can make people hesitant to commit, fearing they’ll lose their identity or autonomy.
Social media and tech breed impatience, with people craving quick dopamine hits over the slow, messy work of building a relationship. Love requires time, but many are conditioned to expect fast results.
In a society where self-interest dominates, trusting others becomes harder. Past betrayals or observing transactional relationships (e.g., “gold-digging” or status-based partnerships) can make people cynical about love’s authenticity.
The ripple effects on creating a family are stark.
Selfish societal structures—like stagnant wages, housing crises, or lack of parental leave—make starting a family feel like a luxury. In 2025, 40% of U.S. millennials cited financial instability as a reason for delaying or forgoing kids.
When personal fulfillment is king, the sacrifices of parenthood (time, money, energy) can seem daunting. Couples may struggle to align on family goals if one or both prioritize individual aspirations.
In some circles, choosing family over career or personal exploration is seen as “settling.” This can pressure individuals, especially women, to delay or avoid motherhood to prove their ambition.
Despite these hurdles, building love and family is far from impossible. Strategies to counter a selfishly oriented society include:
Shift your personal metric of success to include emotional intimacy and family bonds, not just career or status. Celebrate small, shared moments over grand individual achievements.
Look for those who value commitment and family over fleeting pleasures. Communities with shared values—religious groups, cultural organizations, or even niche hobbies—can be good places to connect.
Build trust by being open about your desires for love and family early on. This weeds out those chasing short-term thrills and attracts those with similar goals.
Relationships thrive on mutual effort. Learn conflict resolution and prioritize regular check-ins to counter the “me-first” mentality.
Since society may lack built-in community, create your own. Friends, mentors, or family can provide emotional and practical support for relationships and parenting.
Embrace the slow burn of love. Commit to dating with purpose, focusing on depth over quantity, and be patient with the process.
While a selfishly oriented society poses real challenges, it also offers opportunities. The freedom to choose your path means you can intentionally seek partners who share your vision for love and family. Technology, despite its downsides, connects you to millions who might align with your values. And the emphasis on self-awareness can help you enter relationships as a more grounded, intentional partner.
The key is to swim against the current—prioritizing connection, sacrifice, and long-term vision in a world that often pulls the other way. It’s not easy, but the reward is a love and family built on deliberate choice, not societal default.